Tuesday is the worst day.

Tuesday is terrible. It shouldn't even be allowed, because it messes up the whole week. Tuesday is the day on which I have no childcare: no drop-in nursery, no sitter for Monday afternoon homework party with the big kids*, no Big Yoga Thursday sitter**, nothing. And, to add insult to injury, my husband often plays tennis in the evening. He goes there from work, so I don't see him until really late, when he's in a great (read: tired from playing tennis and drinking beer) mood and I'm ready to scream. I almost feel bad for him when he walks in the door and straight into my seething wall of resentment and self-pity.

Womens' magazines can be really annoying, like when they write articles about how to get your husband to have more sex. I wasn't aware that it was that difficult, but maybe there are some husbands who like to play hard to get. Not mine, or anyone else's that I know, according to me rudely asking people when I've had too much to drink my extensive research. Those articles could be summed up into a sentence:

"Honey, you want to do it?"

Most husbands will say yes, even if they have the flu and you're wearing sweat pants. You probably don't even have to call them "Honey." According to a lot of those articles, busy couples, especially new parents, should set aside a specific time for...ahem...marital relations. I had a friend who did that once. She and her husband had three young children, two full time jobs and one full time house guest. Her husband picked Tuesday. What a moron. As a result, she began dreading Tuesday a full six days in advance, on Wednesday.

Tuesday is the worst day. Sunday might be good, especially if one was raised in a church, because it has the bonus of seeming naughty. Monday might not be so bad, because it would feel like a way to extend the weekend. Wednesday, well, they don't call it the Hump Day for nothing. Thursday could work, because that's basically the weekend and "Thrilling Thursday" has a nice ring to it. Friday is date night for a lot of people so the mood is right, as is the level of intoxication. Saturday is good because you can sleep in a little bit the next morning. But Tuesday? Nothing is good about Tuesday. Sex should never be a chore and, if you try to do it on Tuesday, that's exactly what it'll feel like. Trust me.

Instead, I suggest that you take this day to reflect, perhaps on how you can help me on Tuesday, which is the worst day of the week, officially. Happy Celibate Tuesday!

Namasté, y'all!

* Yup, I actually have a sitter for the baby so I can spend the afternoon with my big kids getting them started on their homework. It's more fun that you would think.

** Yup, I actually have a sitter for four hours in the middle of every Thursday, so I can go do Yoga. I know: My life isn't hard and I promise to try to complain less. Or, at the very least, complain in a way that is entertaining.