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Sunday, June 08, 2008

ACDC moves me to say inappropriate stuff.

Especially when I've had a drink or two, as I had last night at the party at our tennis club. I wasn't the only one, or even the most offensive.

Brian Johnson (singing): She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean...

Fun Lady: Hi!

Me: ACDC always reminds me of the time when I was a teenager and I [insert mildly illegal act here. Pretty much everyone you know has done it. And it's not as bad as some of the stuff our current president has done. So there.]

Other Lady: [walks off in a huff.]

Fun Lady: You can't say stuff like that around her! But you can around me! Whooo!

Brian Johnson (still singing): You shook me aaaaaaall niiiight looo-ooong!

For a moment, I felt some major, chest constricting anxiety. You know that sinking feeling you get when you think you've done or said something really, really wrong? Or maybe you don't know that feeling, but I know it well (Surprised?). But then I remembered how old I was. And it's not like I asked her when the baby was due.

I don't get people like Other Lady. Is she afraid that hearing about something some random lady she doesn't even know did twenty (or so) years ago will make her go out and do it? If that's the case, she must have been drunker than I was. I find adultery totally offensive, but you better believe if someone at a party was all,

"I cheated on my husband with this guy at the gym!"

I'd be all,

"Wow! Was he cute? Where'd y'all do it? You can tell me. I won't tell a soul."

And I'd remember all the details, so I could tell my husband about that trashy lady at the party who told me all about her filthy affair. I certainly wouldn't walk off in a huff, missing all the dirt. What do she and her husband talk about in the car on the way home?

I suspect Other Lady also voted for our current President, George W. Bush*. He's admitted to doing worse than what I did. He had to, because there were public records. Maybe she could live with that because she didn't hear it straight from the horse's mouth. Or maybe I reminded her of her ex-girlfriend from her wild days in college...

By the way, I do have standards. I no longer [
insert mildly illegal act here. Pretty much everyone you know has done it. And a lot of people you know still do.], because I have children and I'm no longer willing to accept the mildest of consequences. And I won't print the name of the mildly illegal act here, because I don't want my children to have proof that I did it. I used to be in favor of making the darn thing legal, until I married and had babies with a criminal defense attorney. If it was legal, we might not be able to pay our mortgage or even dream of sending our kids to college. Maybe you think I'm morally reprehensible for having such a double standard. Hey, if the President can, so can I.

And by the way, earlier in the day by the pool, Fun Lady gave me a koozie** with her business name on it in lieu of a business card. I think she might be my Best SPF (Summer Pool Friend). Whooo!

Namasté, y'all!

* This is one of my many faults, by the way. I suspect that anyone who seems uptight, boring or in any way unpleasant must have voted for him. There must be some explanation.

** I believe that's a "hugger" or "huggah" to those of you living north of the Mason-Dixon.

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