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Saturday, November 08, 2008

Do you ever get that feeling, like you want to punch things, really hard?

But you can't indulge it, because you have kids. Besides, there's nothing to punch, because the thing making you want to punch things is you. Maybe you had to bake a bunch of stuff for the choir bake sale. Maybe you would have preferred to write a check. But maybe you actually enjoy baking and kind of got into the idea. So you picked several things to bake - nothing new, because you're no idiot. You planned to spend the entire day on Saturday baking, which you were more or less looking forward to. After a trip to the store for ingredients, you hunkered down. But the first thing you made, which you have made many, many times before, didn't look quite right. You ignored the feeling that it was a little undercooked and forged ahead, rather than wait the extra five minutes it needed back in the oven. You ignored your instincts, just to save five minutes. Guess how mad you felt when two casserole dishes of coconut pecan bars had to be scraped into the garbage. Very mad, just in case you were wondering. So, you walked out onto the front porch and realized you couldn't have a temper tantrum there, either, because the neighbors might see. Just where is a parent supposed to lose their sh*t anyway?

There are so many things I've had to abandon since I became a parent:

  • The aforementioned temper tantrums.
  • Rocking out in the car.
  • Indulging hangovers.
  • Smoking. Not that I, um, ever did that, kids!
  • Contemplating suicide. Can you imagine how bad that would mess up your kids? They'd be in therapy forever.
  • Dating.
  • Not wearing a bra.
  • Being cool. Eh, you can't exactly abandon something you never had, now can you?
  • Pole dancing. Never mind. I actually did that, recently. For work*. It's not what you think.
Oh well. At least, thanks to Oh! Nuts, I have plenty of pecans. Those suckers are expensive. But if you are feeling all depressed, like I was just moments ago, watch this video, which is very, very funny. Notice how the audience cheers after certain bits, like when an ice skater lands some triple fancy something or other. That Kristen Wiig has mad skills. Mad skills.

Namasté, y'all!

* Check it out, pages 16 and 17.


*~Dani~* said...

She does have mad skills. In fact, with the exception of Amy Poehler, she is the only thing holding Saturday Night Live together. In my opinion.

MT said...

Oh, I still have temper tantrums. I just throw 'em in the laundry room.

No windows, no witnesses.

With you on just writing a check...

kristy said...

My mother spent TONS of time in the bathroom when I was a kid. Recently she let me in on her secret: that was her alone time -- she was in there reading, doing her nails, etc. I am sure you could go in there, turn on the water, take a radio, and throw a pretty sweet temper tantrum then walk out 5 min. later like nothing happened. If they ask, tell them they DO NOT want to know!