Email me if you have something to say. I like you.


Saturday, March 14, 2009

Guess who's back? And he better be nice to my kid.

Does anyone remember Coach Keith? Fortunately for everyone concerned, he's no longer Coach Keith. The coaching gig put a touch too much strain on his mental health, I think. Normally, I don't use actual real names on my blog when complaining about someone. I'm way too much of a chicken. But Coach Keith is hard-core, plus he put it in writing, so I think he can take it. And I will happily fight him out back of the middle school if he wants to bring it.

Believe it or not, I'm not a holder of grudges, outgrew that a while ago. I am, however, a protector of children, mine in particular. Coach Keith's behavior didn't improve after he shared his feelings about our loser kids in that email. In fact, it worsened. On at least one occasion, he yelled something about my child that was so mean I won't even type it here. He yelled it loud enough so everyone heard it, except my kid, who was blissfully in the clouds, channeling Beckham I'm sure. While he's no longer a coach, the guy showed up at practice the other day because his own child has re-joined the team. Guess that intense soccer-training in Europe didn't work out.

When I saw him, I did something so immature, something a mean seventh grader would do. I looked at him and glared until he looked away. Or maybe he didn't notice. Or maybe he was thinking something like,

"Who is that strange woman and what's in her eye?"

I hope he heard what I was saying to him in my head,

"Listen you [total expletive so bad I won't even give you a few letters as a hint], if you so much as look at my wonderful son, you better be ready to bring it because I will go after you. And I teach Pilates and lift weights, so watch your back. And don't even think about helping the coaches, because I will get you, mister. Grrrrr..."

And I still haven't burned my PTI, so I'm more than willing to get into what would be, in the eyes of the law, a fairly minor scuffle. I hope Coach Keith doesn't make me do that, because I'd rather use my PTI on spray-painting a building or something fun. The X-Man actually brought up his name this morning before soccer.

"When we lost, Coach Keith yelled at us. And Coach Johnathan tells us he's disappointed, but I'm okay with that."

Dearest X-Man, I'm okay with that, too. The X-Man was super-excited this morning, too, because he's going to play mid-field. We, his most lazy and hopeful parents, told him the game was canceled for rain. He groaned. As it happens, soccer for eight and unders is a tad more serious than soccer for seven and unders, because their games were canceled and the X-Man's was not. As much as I love to get out of a soccer game on a Saturday morning, I'm happy for him. And I can't wait to hear the highlights, because I stayed home with the Tank while TF took the big kids to the game. The Tank and a muddy soccer field don't do well together. Go, Blasters! Except for you, Former Coach Keith. You can sit down and act nice.

Namasté, y'all!

P.S. The All-Local Farmers' Market is today at Gervais and Vine, y'all. It's raining, but not too hard and they have tents, so go support your local farmers and vendors!


Anonymous said...

You're a good, Mom. And a funny one, too.

Anonymous said...

Oh jeez...this is like walking onto your front porch with my pants down.

After reading all of your previous post on grammar, I go and throw in an extraneous comma and unnecessary capital letter.

Make that...

"You're a good mom, and a funny one, too."

Anonymous said...

I don't think you need a comma after 'mom' because what comes after it is not a complete clause.

kbfenner said...

Only a criminal lawyer or his wife would use the term "burned my PTI"- love it!
You brighten a cloudy day.Keep on writing. Namaste.