Seth Myers is hot. And funny.

And would make a great parent. Love his suggestion for how to respond to the kids when they ask about Bong-gate.



In other news, thanks to a relatively new reader who so gets my sense of humor it isn't even funny (Mwah!), I plan to order this:

Yes, it is a potty that looks like a slot machine and rewards the potty trainee with a fancy noise each time he adds more "currency." I can feel it. This is going to work for the Tank, who has already been expelled from school. Oh, I didn't mention that? Yup. It's true. TF and I have finally gotten our karmic payback for that one time he criticized some other hapless parents, in the privacy of our own home, and put forth the theory that they should "try our way." I tried to stop him, but the words were out before my hand clapped over his yammering mouth. Ergo, the Tank is our just reward. I was working at home sitting around in my pajamas, sucking down coffee and trying to beat my a-hole sister's damn Scramble score on Facebook on Friday morning when I got the call. I knew it was bad when the drop-in nursery's name appeared on my phone's screen*.

"Hello?" I tried to sound clueless.

They were actually very, very nice. He had been put in time-out three times for sh*t kicking being less than kind to his friends. After a fourth assault, he got to sit in a chair beside the director's desk. You may think this is unpleasant. It is not. She is one of the kindest people I've ever met and he probably likes hanging out there. He's been there before, but this time was different. I didn't ask for details, but let's just assume he was pissing and moaning so much they couldn't take it. Thankfully, they were too kind to say.

I think the Viva Las Vegas potty will appeal to my little thug. I think dry pants will transform him into a kinder, gentler Tank. I think a lot of things that aren't true, but humor me. Just in case, we also took him for his first haircut, a rite of passage we hope will inspire him to use the d*mn potty and stop kicking his friends.

Namasté, y'all!

* See. I'm not all bad. I do have the numbers of the kids' schools saved on my phone. And I could look up their pediatrician's number in the phone book any time I wanted to. Or I could drive there, because I know exactly where it is. Gold star for me!