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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Someone's been indoctrinating my baby...

We're in the car one day and one of the big kids piped up,

"You're voting for Obama, aren't you, Mom?"

No point in being coy here. It's true, I am.

"A-Cain!"

said the tiny tyrant, laughing.

"No," I corrected in my Responsible, Over-Educated Mommy voice, "Mommy likes Obama."

"You like A-Cain! John A-Cain!"

And so it went, until I gave up, secure in the knowledge that I could vote for whoever I damn well pleased, no matter what the two year old who controls every other aspect of my life says. Why I even argued, I'll never know. Why does anyone argue with a two year old? Because they're cracked out on coffee and they haven't talked to another grownup in what seems like days, that's why. Let me give you some advice: Don't bother. They always win, because there is no logic in their argument and they don't care. Because they know they'll win. Do as I say, not as I do. You'll be much more relaxed.

The worst part was that he was laughing at me. I was being mocked by a two year old. What have I become? Cruising along in my (Hybrid!) SUV, checking email on my fancy phone, sucking down my umpteenth ill advised coffee of the day - and arguing politics with a two year old. I used to be more interesting. At least I think I was. I mean, I used to have way better stuff to argue about than politics. I don't even know who my friends are voting for and (go ahead, shoot me) I don't care. With one or two exceptions (and I don't think you know who you are), all of my friends are smart, so I'm not worried about it. I suspect we'll split votes*, so we could probably spend the day shopping or something since we'll just cancel each other out, but it's important to be heard and all that. Two year olds don't need to vote to be heard. They scream out their ridiculous opinions at the top of their lungs anywhere they damn well please.

I am more mature than Baby J, which is why I was the one to end the argument.

"Okay," I said in a conciliatory tone, "Mommy likes A-Cain."

After all, I'm sure I would like him. I like a ton of people I wouldn't vote for. I bet I'd like George Bush**. I heard he likes to party. So, I didn't exactly lie. Not that I don't advocate lying to children, because I do. That's one of the many, many privileges of adulthood.

"John A-Caaaaiiiiiin!"

He always has to have the last word. I think he was getting back at me. Recently, he's started announcing to everyone he meets,

"I'm J!"

The other day, just for sport, I looked him in the eye and said,

"I'm J."

"No. You not J. You Mommy. I'm J."

"No," I couldn't stop, "I'm J. You are Mommy."

"No, you Mommy!"

"I'm J," I said calmly, psychotically even. "You Mommy. Make me breakfast."

You know how it turns out. Once again, I let him win. Mocking a two year old can only go so far, before you feel like a jerk. Had I known that he knew all along that I was joking, I would have kept it up for a day or more.

So, while it's clear that his political taunts were pure retaliation, the real question hasn't been answered. Just who taught him all about John McCain? As you may recall, he was the one that brought up McCain, not me. Who taught him that?Anyone? Anyone? Mom?

Namasté, y'all!

* Did you know? It's possible not only to like, but to respect people who vote for the other dude. Now you know. You're welcome.

** Guess what? Since I'm telling secrets, I didn't vote for him either. In spite of that, he seems to have done alright for himself.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG - how you make me laugh!

Lizzie said...

At least one of your kids will be a staunch conservative bc that's the way the world turns. My money's on Baby J.

Jonny's Mommy said...

Too, too funny. Found you through BlogHer ads.

I don't argue with 2-year olds either but so far he doesn't even know whose running for president so I'm safe...I hope!