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Thursday, January 29, 2009

In which I am confused. Again.

I get confused. I need explanations for some things. Or maybe not. If you have explanations to offer, I'll certainly entertain them (like, with cocktails and olives in little bowls.)

1. This shocks me. I thought the Bible Belt was the home of all things sexist and antiquated. I thought this article was a joke. In fact, it was not a joke. These girls exist. And I say "girls," because they don't behave like any grown women I know. Why on earth would women, with educations, personalities and jobs depend so heavily on men for stuff they wanted? They are more dependent than this stay-at-home, un-employed mother of three. As one of my brilliant friends on Facebook said, "
Seriously? Gen Y has officially killed feminism." Dear young ladies, take a piece of advice from an old hag: If you want stuff, get it yourself.

2. What is the deal with those couch sales on the side of the road, in parking lots of places like Advanced Auto? Is a cheap velour couch really an impulse purchase? You're driving home from work and...screeeeeech go your tires as you whip to the side of the road.

"OHSWEET JESUS! I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED A VELOUR MOCK-LA-Z-BOY COUCH! I NEED IT NOW! TIE IT TO THE ROOF OF MY CAR! NOW!"

My friend Julie called me about this phenomenon the other day as she passed a parking lot full of couches and, of all things, toddler-sized lounge chairs. She felt it was blog-worthy and I agree. What the hell are those couches doing in a parking lot? I've seen patterned rugs for sale on the side of the road, too. Some of them are decorated with an enormous animal face, something exotic like a zebra or cat. While I have considered a tasteful cheetah-print area rug, like this one, the huge-face rugs don't do it for me.

3. Why is it now acceptable for Brad Pitt to have pock-marked, large enormous-pored skin, like he does in the most recent issue of W? Perhaps he no longer feels the need to prove he's hot, since he must be or he wouldn't be with Angelina. He has to be good-looking though, because his chameleon-like behavior with every woman he's ever been with would indicate a lack of personality. He is an accessory. Maybe the spread was too arty for a small-town girl like me.

4. Why does my husband lie to me so much about little things? Once and for all, does this or does this not indicate he will one day cheat on me? If, in fact, he does cheat on me, will he do it in a way I can ignore or will it be obvious? The suspense is killing me.

5. Why I can't have everything I want? And why don't I get it when I can? I saw these boots in tan on E-Bay for a buy-it-now price of $300. I didn't buy them then and the bidding surpassed $400, which doesn't fit into my budget, on acount of my kids seem smart enough to make it to college and we'll need to pay for it. I'm kicking myself, but it doesn't hurt, because I'm not wearing boots. Why didn't I buy them? Why?

Anyhow, these are things that befuddle me.

Namasté, y'all!

5 comments:

Suz said...

I'm with you on #1. My sister-in-law, whom I adore otherwise, is constantly telling her oldest daughter Holly (who is TWENTY FOUR), and not in an ironic way, "You need to find a husband." I guess she'll start in on her 22-year-old in another year or so. I consider it my duty to respond with feminist propaganda. For example, at Christmas, S-I-L said "if you want a nice house, you better find a rich guy." I said "Huh--I have a really nice house, not big but nice, and I bought it all by myself." Why would my otherwise normal S-I-L--WHO KEPT HER NAME WHEN SHE MARRIED MY BROTHER, FOR GOD'S SAKE!--be filling her daughters' heads with this nonsense? I don't get it!

We do need to have some cocktails so that perhaps we could figure all this stuff out!

Lynn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lynn said...

Good God. I'm torn: I feel like I should thank the Daily Digress for drawing my attention to this charade, but not so deep down, it hurts--it actually hurts--to read this dabagirl blog. The content is so disturbing that I find myself surprisingly at ease with their overuse of (or perhaps frightenting dependence upon) abbreviations. And this 'feminist-free scrutiny' they're promising...yikes.

*~Dani~* said...

I totally agree about everything you said about Brad Pitt. I was watching Mrs. and Mr. Smith the other day and noticed he had a terrible profile. That made me question if he was ever good looking to me. And don't get me started on how he totally morphs into his latest lover's twin...

kbfenner said...

About #4--
I read a very interesting New Yorker piece a while back about how we are not at all the same in all settings (it may have been about Bill Clinton). People will lie in some settings and about some things, for example, and not about others. So breathe easier, and besides, you are so fabulous, only a fool would cheat on you....