First bit of advice.

Stop breathing weird in the next room. I can hear it and it's irritating.

Now for the first reader question, from kbfenner, who I love, because she reads both of my blogs. Which means she is also very smart. She writes:

Wow--I was starting to think this was the Monthly Digress. Too much ShopTarting....tsk tsk.

My question is what the heck do y'all wear under those flimsy silk spaghetti strap tanks you love to show photos of? The magazines all show models with flat chests and visible ribs, so that's no help....just curious, b/c I look like a linebacker in spaghetti straps...

Dearest kb,

Short answer: The right strapless bra.

Longer answer: I can't tell you what strapless bra to wear. At the moment, I favor one by Jezebel that appears to have been discontinued. This happens to me a lot. I used to like one by WonderBra, but my size was deemed no longer important by the powers that be. And I have stock in that company. That hurt. But I digress.

Then I had a long relationship with a bra by OnGossamer and I still don't know what happened, but one day I woke up and the magic was gone. I fell out of love, just like that. Well, not just like that. As you may be aware, bosoms change over time, which means the bra you love for years will not be The One forever. Serial monogamy is the way to go. Which means you need a new bra. And, trust me, there is a strapless bra somewhere in the world for almost everyone. I liked this one by Le Mystère when I was pregnant, but not after. Go figure. Go to Bits of Lace in Charleston and make sure you get someone with experience to help. Try to ignore any personality quirks; my experience is that the best fitters often have the strangest personalities. If you don't find The One, go to Nordstrom. Or Neiman Marcus. Or anywhere you can get a good fitting and a sympathetic ear. Try to find a salesperson that is similarly-breasted, if possible. Have a glass of wine or beer before you shop so you won't be shy or tempted by something uncomfortable. Have a liquor drink if you like. I recommend a Vodka Gimlet.

The right strapless bra should be comfortable and fit perfectly. Do not settle for less, even if you hate to shop. The long-term rewards are worth it. You need two: One in black and one as close to your natural skin color as possible. In fact, my only issue with the Jezebel I've been rocking is that it's too light. I've been considering trying to dye it a shade or two darker, but now that it's been discontinued, I'm scared to mess with it. Oh well, you can't have everything. Actually, you can and I need to follow my own advice.

If you can't get to a good store, order a bunch of them in different sizes (Think you're a 38B? You might be a 36C or even a 34D. Really.) Try them on in the privacy of your home and return what doesn't work. I am willing to personally fit anyone who wants it and I have mad skillzz, but you have to come to me. You don't have to buy me dinner, but an herbal tea would be nice.

Addendum to long answer: Girl, you do not look like a linebacker. I've seen you in Yoga clothes and you're lovely. Not that linebackers aren't lovely. They, too should rock camisoles should they desire. Like bras, camisoles come in many sizes and styles. In the South Carolina heat, it's a good idea to explore. As the now-proud owner of funny-shaped, well-loved bosoms, I pick and choose my camis. Rule Number One: They must cover my SBC*. Rule Number Two: There really is no other rule. Fashion rules are obsolete.

A few years ago, TF and I took the big kids to Disney World. I was pregnant, so spent most of my time eating and mocking people who drink at Disney World. One evening, at the Polynesian Resort Luau, TF looked at a table of sunburned guys in polos and khakis and their female companions. They were drinking umbrella drinks. With fruit.

"You know what's going to start happening over there?" he asked. "A little bit of this."

And he tucked his thumbs into his arm pits - arms out like he was doing the Chicken Dance, elbows above the shoulders - and pretended to hitch up his strapless bra. Or tube top. And that is why we need strapless bras that fit - because you never know when you might go somewhere really hot and drink one too many exactly the right number of umbrella drinks. You don't want to be that chick and you don't want to die in the sweltering heat because you couldn't go cami, now do you?

Namasté, y'all!

PS I have a few more questions to answer and this is fun, so bring it, y'all! I have opinions and I want to share!

* Strapless Bra of Choice.

My new motto.

The other day, I was at Pout stocking up on stuff to take to the beach (Litchfield - yay!) and I ran into someone I really admire. I won't tell you who it is, because I'm going to quote her and I didn't ask, although what she said was brilliant.

She recently spoke to a bunch of USC Honors College students about the importance of projecting a professional image. She tried to do them a favor, scaring the tar out of them by explaining they would be competing for entry-level jobs not only with their peers, but with old, experienced people desperate for work. Y'all, I hear you can get someone with a Ph.D. in something germ-related to clean your house. But they take forever to do it and they expect health insurance and frankly, they kill the germs but without much style.

Anyhow, every young person has heard versions of "Life is what you make it." "You get back what you put in." The slightly more aggressive: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." "Take the bull by the horns." The desperate: "Get the hell off my couch and get a damn job." Anyhow. Down in these parts, a lot of us like to kill stuff and eat it. I thoroughly approve of this practice, as I'm hardly a vegetarian. The directness of hunting appeals to me. So does venison chili. I haven't ever gone hunting, although I'd like to, because that's not something my Bunco group enjoys. I thought about going with my friend's husband, Tom, but I talked to someone who spent the day making boudin sausage with him and it involved various other activities including - but not limited to - picking up a boat, talking about stuff I wouldn't understand and hanging with a guy named Gary who wore mirrored sunglasses and had Coors Light in the back of his truck. I don't even drink beer and I bet they don't serve bubbly in a deer blind. Frankly, I don't know if I could hang. I might end up turning into everyone's annoying mom, like I did last weekend at one in the morning when I insisted on double-buckling in a seat belt with a twenty-one year old on the way to a bar on Sullivan's Island. Then gave a little speech about head injuries and how they aren't as heart-warming as you think they will be. Aren't I fun? But I digress.

This woman I admire told the honors students this, my new motto:

"You eat what you kill."

Exactly. And I hope it got those kids, vegetarian or not, all kinds of fired up. Actually, I hope it didn't, because there are plenty of old people out there like me who need jobs. We have a generation (or two, if I'm honest about my own peers) of kids who "don't know how to hunt without guarding a corn pile.*" In the past, a college degree and a decent shirt might garner you a job, if not a career. Over the years, the playing field has gotten bigger. Thanks to civil rights activists, people of all races compete for jobs. Thanks to those wacky women's libbers, even girls can get jobs. Even poor people not on any social register anywhere can compete for college scholarships and, you guessed it, jobs**. And thanks to the recession, old people are hustling for those same jobs. And they will get them, while the youngsters sit around guarding a corn pile.

That was all very depressing. Here's the upside: If you aren't making money anyway, why not make up your own job? I did and, while I'm not getting rich just yet, I get to do what I love all day long. Shopping, hanging out and eating out. Call me shallow. Like I care. I've been called worse At least, I think I have, but not to my face. 'Cause I'm so intimidating, with all my talk about eating what you kill, yo.

Namasté, y'all!

* And I stole that phrase from Bob Bailey, president of the South Carolina Sportsmen's Coalition. He was literally talking about hunting, during a House subcommittee hearing on a bill to allow baiting for deer in the Upstate. You see, Lowcountry hunters are allowed to put out bait, usually a pile of corn, to attract deer. The debate for and against baiting has been raging for years and I'm not about to offer an opinion. I will offer an opinion on the phrase as a metaphor for success-seeking youngsters. See above.

** Just so you know, with the exception of all those old people who should have the privilege of anticipating retirement, I'm glad the playing field has been opened up to the world at large. It's a good thing.

In which I am confused. Again.

I get confused. I need explanations for some things. Or maybe not. If you have explanations to offer, I'll certainly entertain them (like, with cocktails and olives in little bowls.)

1. This shocks me. I thought the Bible Belt was the home of all things sexist and antiquated. I thought this article was a joke. In fact, it was not a joke. These girls exist. And I say "girls," because they don't behave like any grown women I know. Why on earth would women, with educations, personalities and jobs depend so heavily on men for stuff they wanted? They are more dependent than this stay-at-home, un-employed mother of three. As one of my brilliant friends on Facebook said, "Seriously? Gen Y has officially killed feminism." Dear young ladies, take a piece of advice from an old hag: If you want stuff, get it yourself.

2. What is the deal with those couch sales on the side of the road, in parking lots of places like Advanced Auto? Is a cheap velour couch really an impulse purchase? You're driving home from work and...screeeeeech go your tires as you whip to the side of the road.

"OHSWEET JESUS! I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED A VELOUR MOCK-LA-Z-BOY COUCH! I NEED IT NOW! TIE IT TO THE ROOF OF MY CAR! NOW!"

My friend Julie called me about this phenomenon the other day as she passed a parking lot full of couches and, of all things, toddler-sized lounge chairs. She felt it was blog-worthy and I agree. What the hell are those couches doing in a parking lot? I've seen patterned rugs for sale on the side of the road, too. Some of them are decorated with an enormous animal face, something exotic like a zebra or cat. While I have considered a tasteful cheetah-print area rug, like this one, the huge-face rugs don't do it for me.

3. Why is it now acceptable for Brad Pitt to have pock-marked, large enormous-pored skin, like he does in the most recent issue of W? Perhaps he no longer feels the need to prove he's hot, since he must be or he wouldn't be with Angelina. He has to be good-looking though, because his chameleon-like behavior with every woman he's ever been with would indicate a lack of personality. He is an accessory. Maybe the spread was too arty for a small-town girl like me.

4. Why does my husband lie to me so much about little things? Once and for all, does this or does this not indicate he will one day cheat on me? If, in fact, he does cheat on me, will he do it in a way I can ignore or will it be obvious? The suspense is killing me.

5. Why I can't have everything I want? And why don't I get it when I can? I saw these boots in tan on E-Bay for a buy-it-now price of $300. I didn't buy them then and the bidding surpassed $400, which doesn't fit into my budget, on acount of my kids seem smart enough to make it to college and we'll need to pay for it. I'm kicking myself, but it doesn't hurt, because I'm not wearing boots. Why didn't I buy them? Why?

Anyhow, these are things that befuddle me.

Namasté, y'all!

Emergency Broadcasting System

Well, it's not an emergency, but it is very exciting. The very beautiful shoe designer Ginger Goff and her dashing husband, Greg, are at Kicks! today. They'll be at Lola this afternoon, in case you can't make it right this second. For more info, click here. It's the ultimate in guilt-free local shopping, because Ginger is from Hilton Head, South Carolina. So, you're not just buying shoes, you're supporting local business, which makes you a real do-gooder. To top it off, Kicks! is still using re-usable shopping totes instead of paper, which will help you be environmentally conscious and stylish at the grocery store. By the way, I didn't buy them, but Ginger is wearing a super cute pair of flowered wedges. Maybe you will buy them for me. I wear a seven and a half. Ahem.

Here's a picture of Ginger and Greg, with some of the shoes they brought:

I bought a pair to wear to a wedding on Saturday with one of my Laroque dresses. Ginger autographed the bottom. How fun is that?

Namasté, y'all!

Yay, AnnaBelle! Yay, Pretty Dresses!

I'm at the beach and writing from the lovely Latté Litchfield today. My husband thinks I'm at the gym. Ladies, do not let yourselves go just because you're on vacation. Plus, the gym is a perfect excuse to ditch your husband with all the kids. If I told the truth, that I was going to shop and drink adult beverages, he'd make me take them with me.

AnnaBelle, fabulous designer and owner of LaRoque, has a big spread in the paper today. I have two of her dresses and a skirt and love them. Even though I bought off the rack, they fit like they were made for me. I go in there planning to "just look" or maybe buy one of the Hardest Working Bras in town from Kristy, owner of Tullulah. But it seems like every time AnnaBelle manages to talk me into trying one of those dresses on, I can't bring myself to leave it there. You should never walk away from a dress that fits that well. It would be like leaving a puppy at the pound that wouldn't quit giving you that puppy look. She picks the best fabric, including some Liberty prints. Do you remember those? My mother had a Liberty Print blouse with a Peter Pan collar that I loved. It had seafood on it. Well, it wasn't actual seafood, just the uncooked crustaceans that eventually become seafood. It was really cute, I swear, and that fabric felt so light and cool. I might have to get just one little shirt made with a Liberty print fabric, or maybe two, but definitely not more than three.

And having Tullulah in the same building is a bonus. Usually, I have to take things home on approval to see if I have an appropriate undergarment, but Kristy is right there with the best bras in town. Woo! And both of those ladies are a riot. If you hang around long enough, you'll hear some wicked funny stories. Or you can wait for the chick lit novel I plan to write about them. I'll be embellishing the stories a lot, though, so don't go thinking they're (all) true.

Namasté, y'all!

Give Me a T!

What starts with a "T," is awesome and, but for one syllable, rhymes with "lederhosen"?* That's right...TRADER JOE'S! A few of my lady friends and I made a short shopping/talking/eating/drinking trip to Charlotte this weekend. On the way out of town, we stopped at Trader Joe's to stock up on low-priced treats. I'll spare you my list, but I think the four of us spent about a thousand dollars all together. That isn't an exaggeration. If you love TJ's like I love TJ's, or if you care about me and want me to be happy, please email them and let them know how much you would like them to open a store here in my town. Thanks.

One reason TJ's is able to keep the prices so low is by cutting out the middle man (or woman, as the case may be) whenever possible. Guess what! You, too, can cut out the middle entity, right here at home! How? By going to the All Local Farmers' Market! It happens twice a month, on the second Saturday at Gervais and Vine and on the fourth Saturday at Yo Burrito. I may have mentioned it a few times before... The fourth Saturday of this month falls on January twenty sixth, the day of the Democratic Primary in South Carolina. But I digress.

Oh, wait, no I don't digress, because the primary is on my mind. Yesterday afternoon, my children and I got to see Senator Hillary Clinton address a group of local women. Baby J was not interested and left after several minutes. O and the X-Man, on the other hand, were riveted. I was thrilled to see them feeling so involved in an election. The Brave O got in trouble for weaseling away from me through the crowd Hillary's autograph and a handshake. She asked him his name and looked him in the eye.

Ladies and gentlemen, this may or may not be the moment you have all been waiting for. The Daily Digress has decided to officially endorse Senator Hillary Clinton for President of the United States. I rarely admit so openly which candidate I support, mostly because I hate discussing politics. If you want a long conversation with me, ask me about the dress I bought at Coplon's big sale in Charlotte (It is so totally awesome that I might have to have a party for it). I won't bore you with all of the reasons I've decided to place myself firmly in Hillary's camp, because I'm pretty sure no one reads this for the political insight.

The woman I hope will become president talked about a lot of things yesterday, including several that are close to my heart. She talked about health care, how we fall short and how we can do better. She talked about teen pregnancy and the need to prevent it. She talked about the need to support local and minority-owned businesses by including them. She specifically talked about small, organic farmers and how we can make sure they survive and thrive. I think she'd really like our twice monthly market. Maybe she'll stop by the day of the primary for an all-local breakfast: Anson Mills grits, Wil-Moore Farms eggs and Caw Caw Creek sausage with a side of hot coffee. She'll need a good breakfast for the long day ahead!

And that's all I'll say about that, but for a short Public Service Announcement for South Carolina lawyers:

The South Carolina Bar Association conference in Charleston will be going on during the primary. If you plan to be at the conference and will be unable to vote locally, please make sure to get an absentee ballot. Democratic absentee ballots must be received by January 25th, I think.

Namasté, y'all!


* It comes closer to rhyming with the singular version, lederhose, but who refers to lederhosen in the singular? Nicht ich, mein Freund, nicht ich.

Last Minute Shopping!

You know I like to shop local and I did this year, more than ever. I shunned the big box stores in favor of Creative Kids and Be Beep, which now carries Legos (Hooray!) Someone on my list got a fab pair of kicks from Sophie Shoes in Five Points, where all shoes are 40% off for the rest of the month. Someone else is getting a membership to the Columbia Film Society and a gift certificate to the best brew pub evah', the Hunter Gatherer. Someone is getting something big from Outspokin'. I had a few things left to buy, none of which could be found locally. What's a socially conscious gal to do? Never one to back down from a shopping challenge, I called a babysitter*, wracked my brain and came up with a solution. There was a way I could get stuff from big chains while supporting local business and avoiding the mall. And it would be fun. All I needed was a laptop and a babysitter. Piece of cake.

I went to Adriana's (free Wi-Fi!) in Five Points to finish my shopping, eat a delicious lunch and check out local celebrities. I settled into a booth and turned on the laptop. I ordered from Brooks Brothers, Anthropologie, the Apple Store and Nordstrom. By the way, if anyone wants to open a store that has big boy clothes (size 8-16) that are cool (not just preppy stuff for church), that would be great. I would gladly shop there instead of Nordstrom. Just sayin'. By the way, I had the M's Spinach Salad for lunch. I try to order something different once in a while, but that salad is just perfect. I think I'll shop at Adriana's every year, so relaxing! Afterwards, I headed up Devine Street to Little Lambs and Ivy, a new-to-Columbia children's store for a gift certificate.

Gift certificates are an obvious eleventh hour choice, but you should also consider donating to charity in someone's honor. That's a gift that most (adults) are thrilled to get. Unless they're not thrilled, then it's an excellent choice if you want to be passive aggressive. And the recipient can't complain, so it's a perfect choice. My sister M, who I now know is a diabolical genius, took it a step further. My husband and I are in possession of a relative, who shall remain nameless, who once suggested that a large, flat-screen television would be a nice gift for us to give her. Now, we don't own a television ourselves, so it was a bit of an odd request, and, oh yeah, we don't actually spend that much on gifts. M said that we should buy the television and donate it to the Children's Home...in the relative's name. Brilliant, just brilliant, and almost worth the expense.

So, my shopping is done and I'm looking forward to a nice day with my family. We're headed to lunch at Al Amir. It's one of our favorite places and, unfortunately for us, they're closing this branch. They'll still be in Irmo and I'm sure we'll make the trek once in a while. After that, we'll be putting up decorations at the house, so come by and see us!

Namasté, y'all!

P.S. Another excellent, local gift is anything from Caw Caw Creek Farms. My husband gave one of our friends a leg of Emile's Country Prosciutto, hoof and all. Pretty cool, huh? If you don't have the stomach for that, Emile has many other fine products that aren't quite as intimidating. I don't know if he can hook you up at the last minute, but it's worth a try.

* The babysitter is key. When you're trying to make a plan, always call the babysitter first. The babysitter is essential; without her, the plan falls apart. Plus, you're hiring someone local and that's a good thing!

Shopping, Local Style.

As you may know, I love to shop local. I do shop at chains, but I never enjoy it as much and I feel a little bit dirty when I do. One thing that's great about staying out of the big box stores is the convenience factor. I have a toddler, a very naughty toddler, a toddler who is so naughty that his grandmother wouldn't keep him for longer than twenty minutes today. He breaks stuff and laughs about it. And while you're gluing it back together, he breaks more stuff. But then he makes the cutest face ever, so you can't get mad. Guh!

Yesterday, naughty toddler in tow, I realized I needed to get bookstore gift cards to give to my big boys' school. I had a little debate with myself in the car, not out loud, just in my head. Not that I have voices in my head... Anyhow, I wasn't sure if the teachers would prefer cards for a big box bookstore, where they might be able to get more for the same amount, or if they would share my view that it's crucial to support what may be the last independent bookseller in our town, The Happy Bookseller. I love that place. The staff there is actually familiar with things like books. I called the store, warned them of my toddler problem and asked if they could have the gift cards ready, so I could run in and pick them up. That way, my toddler problem wouldn't become theirs. Of course they agreed. Can you imagine calling some big store and asking for that?

"Sure," the unlucky employee who picked up the phone would answer. "Just come to any desk."

"But," you would plead, envisioning a long trek around the store and a longer wait in line, during which the bad toddler would chew through forty dollars worth of bookmarks and a bag of coffee beans, "Can you just have them ready when I come in?"

"Jennifer" would finally agree, just to get you off of the phone, and it wouldn't be done when you got there. In fact, Jennifer wouldn't even exist.

"Jennifer C. or Jennifer S.?," the counter person would ask. "Or was it Jenny? Or Jeni?"

Thus, I decided that the Happy Bookseller was the best choice. I wanted to give something the school could use, without compromising my sanity or values. I called them and talked to Marsha, who totally sympathized. Perhaps she once had a bad toddler or perhaps she had seen one in the store before and was grateful for the opportunity to avoid a big scene. I went in, got my gift cards and ran into my ninth grade English teacher, who I always thought was amazing. I credit him with the fact that I didn't flunk out of college; I never could take tests, but he taught me how to write great papers, so I got by on those. Thank you, Mr. Gasque*! Mrs. Gasque told me how cute Baby J was and we were in and out so quickly that he didn't have much of a chance to humiliate me. Yay!

Next door to the Happy Bookseller is Be Beep, a toy store. I tried to go in with Baby J, but that was a bust and we had to leave. Today, I went back. Once again, I called ahead, told them what I needed and they promised to have it ready and waiting, which they did. They also had this, which I didn't buy, but I might have to go back and get. I don't quite understand it, but it looks cool. And I was thrilled to see that they now carry a huge selection of Legos, including Mindstorms, which are supposed to be hard to find and in demand. I'm thrilled that O. hasn't asked for those, because they're crazy expensive and I hate to see him disappointed, but if you are searching for one, I suggest you buy it there. It'll be easy and they'll actually wrap it for you. Frankly, it looked really cool and I'm glad O. didn't ask for it, because I would have been so tempted...

They haven't advertised this yet (you heard it here first!), but they had tons of other Lego stuff, none of which can be found at Target. I know this, because I've checked Target several times and felt more panicked each time, when they still didn't have what I needed. One year, I resorted to overpaying for something on EBay, because I messed up and didn't buy it in time. Be Beep had both of the Lego things my big boys wanted! Hooray! My mom wanted to give those to them and one of the nice ladies called her so she could give her credit card number over the phone and save a trip. Do you think they would do that at Wal-Mart? And gift wrap it? I think not!

In other local shopping news, Jackie at Kicks is offering twenty percent off all purchases in December, for a good cause. The Children's Garden is a daycare for the children of homeless families or other families in crisis. If you bring in something for them, you get the discount. They need things like diapers, paper products, children's underwear and socks, soap and laundry detergent. And, if you like, you can choose to donate your percentage off to the Children's Garden. What a great excuse to buy shoes! Another thing they're doing at Kicks that made me really happy is providing reusable bags with handles, instead of paper bags. The salesperson made sure to let me know the bag was washable, which tells me they're really making an effort to encourage reuse. I'm guessing the bags don't cost much more than those fancy shopping bags you get and throw out. I have a similar one from Rosewood Florist. How awesome would it be if every retailer followed their example? How refreshing to shop in a place owned by someone who so obviously cares about our community.

Namasté, y'all!

* And, Mr. Gasque, please don't blame yourself for the quality or lack thereof of my current writing. I've had three children and lost numerous brain cells since I was in your class.

Shopping Tips of the Day, Local and Not

Yay! It's a great day to buy your own Christmas present, which is what I've been told to do. Fun, eh? Unfortunately, no one provided the childcare for me to shop, but maybe you can buy me something. I did manage to take advantage of the Hayden-Harnett online sample sale, which I'll tell you about, now that I got the bag I wanted. Here you are:

Woohoo! Sample Sale! For people who don't live in a fancy city!

I scored the Lucie Clutch and the Bernardin Day Bag (in Haze, although I was so tempted by the black patent!) I apologize if that spoils the surprise of what I'll be getting for Christmas. Actually, the Bernardin is a thank you present from my husband, because I found him a car. It's a Prius (yay!) and he's looking forward to driving a car that works. By the way, I'm so over calling pocketbooks "baaaaaahgs" or the less pretentious, but too feeble, "purses." They're pocketbooks, m'kay? Anyhow, there were other things I liked, so feel free...

In local news, VanJean is having a 40% off everything sale, today only! I tried hard to buy something, but Baby J wouldn't oblige. He crumbled free cookies* all over the dressing room floor while I desperately tried to find something I liked. My ADD just would not permit me to think about clothes I wanted to wear and clothes I didn't want Baby J to destroy at the same time. And they are so nice at VanJean. No one batted an eye when I asked for a carpet sweeper to clean up the mess. They cleaned it up for me and didn't even kick me for not buying anything. They are open until 8 pm, so I may try again, without the cutest little albatross ever.

After my traumatic experience in VanJean, I let Baby J wander up the sidewalk to release some energy. I made it into tullulah for five minutes to get a present for my Bunco group's gift exchange tonight. We do that thing where you draw numbers and, when it's your turn, you can either pick a present or steal someone else's. I got a pair of my favorite underpants, in pink. We'll see if anyone is brave enough to steal them. They're mad comfortable, I swear!

In other news, if this is your sort of thing, Pink Sorbet is open. It's one of those Lily Pulitzer shops. I have limited affection for Lily. I don't think you can grow up in the South without having at least one memory of wearing Lily. And I did rock a hot pink Lily bikini throughout my entire last pregnancy, much to the chagrin of...well, anyone who saw me. I love the look of vintage Lily and they seem to be getting back to that, which is cool. I also love the little boys' bathing suits, which they don't have yet, but will be getting. They had this dress, which is pretty awesome, if you ask me. I have nowhere to wear it, so feel free to snap it up. They're having a Grand Opening on Saturday, starting at 9 am. There will be specials, prizes and refreshments, so go for breakfast.

And, the Saturday after that, go for breakfast at Gervais and Vine, at the all-local Farmer's Market. I'll see you there - and you can check out my new pocketbook!

Namasté, y'all!

* They also had cheese straws and pretzels. Yum!

Vacation Shopping (AKA Free Money!)

Last night, I had the pleasure of having dinner with a bunch of young and fabulous ladies, my sister's friends. My sister's in town and, because I'm her sister and hostess, I get to tag along with the cool kids. One of the cool kids was Frenchie, of the amazing Frenchie Skirts. I want a Frenchie Skirt real bad, but it's not the sort of thing you can buy on impulse, which is my preferred method of shopping for expensive things. One of these days, I'll have to get mad at my husband, feel sorry for myself and make an appointment to have a skirt made. And follow through before I forgive him. I hear it's addictive once you start, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Anyhow, last night Frenchie had on the most fabulous top (and shoes and coat, but let's stick with the top.) I think it would look nice on me, but she didn't offer to give it to me. Oh well. It turns out that she bought it on vacation, in a pinch. I love buying stuff on vacation or in a pinch! I'm not proud of this, but I've fantasized about having a black Prada dress overnighted from Neiman Marcus in the event of my husband's sudden demise*. Anyhow, the lovely Miss Frenchie was stuck in L.A., having worn all of the outfits she brought. Her flight was cancelled and she had to stay an extra day. Like any savvy traveler, she had packed only enough fabulousness to get her through the trip. And her hostess was having a party that night! Hello? Emergency! Frenchie had to have something to wear and she had to have something fast! She headed over to Rodeo Drive, bought a BCBG top (their fancy line, not that stuff you get in the mall) and Donald Pliner shoes. I emailed her for clarification, because I got well into a bottle of Prosecco at dinner. She very kindly retold the story** and closed with, "Will never be able to afford either again but...fun while it lasts."

And that, my friends, is the essence of vacation or in a pinch shopping. Frenchie's income didn't drastically change that day, so her budget was the same. But! She. Had. No. Choice! It wasn't her fault the flight was canceled. And she could hardly hide out in her room, completely nude, while her hostess had a party. The only thing to do was buy something to wear and not be too difficult about it. It would have been very poor form to do anything else. When put that way, you have to realize that Frenchie was a martyr. And did I mention that her hostess was a priest at All Saint's Episcopal in Beverly Hills? What would Jesus do? He would buy an outfit, without any thought about his personal finances. He would be selfless, just like Frenchie. And it really is a fabulous top. Maybe she'll let me borrow it...

The mathematical formula for vacation and/or in a pinch shopping is simple. Multiply by two. Multiply by four if you're lucky like Frenchie and experience both at once. And if it's still not enough, add a random number of your choice and whip out your credit card (or your parents' card...or your boyfriend's...) So, maybe I should order a Frenchie skirt by phone next time I'm out of town and suddenly have to go to high tea...

Namasté, y'all!

* Yeah, I kind of know that isn't funny considering his near death experience the other day, but he lived and all he has is a scratch on his finger. Whatevah!

** I love a good shopping story!!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas!

Ah, the holidays! One of the things I like best about the holiday season is the chance to drink and shop. Drinking and shopping is the best; you never buy anything uncomfortable and the atmosphere is just so festive. It's like vacation shopping!

I spent the morning with Jacque at Cloud Nine Market, picking out gift baskets for my husband's office. Every year, I make sure to complain about it just enough so he doesn't want to do it himself, because it's a lot of fun. I know Jacque from back in the day, when she was one of the higher ups in the national chain where I worked as a lowly assistant manager. She was fun then and she's fun now, and fashionable to boot. She had on a great coat today; it was a green and cream brocade with green rhinestone buttons, très, très chic! And of course she picked it up at market in Atlanta, so no one else in town can have one. Lucky!

Anyhow, Cloud Nine has everything: coffee, wine, fancy snacks, bath products, cute kitchen stuff and free wi-fi. The free wi-fi is a new addition and I liked being able to turn on the laptop while I talked to Jacque; I think it made me look very hip and professional and important. We lazy housewives have to get it where we can. I drank a bunch of coffee and ate a cookie and babbled incessantly. In spite of all that, the baskets are taken care of, mostly thanks to Jacque, who is very patient.

Her coat reminded me that after Yoga tonight, I'll get to do a little drinking and shopping. Annabelle and Kristy, respective owners of LaRoque and tullulah, are co-hosting an open wallet house. They give you a little discount and a little alcohol, a perfect combination. And I'll be all blissed out from Yoga, so it should be fun. Jacque's coat reminded me of Annabelle's stuff, which she designs and sews herself. She uses vintage-looking fabrics and the styles are classic. I have one of her dresses, but I might need a little jacket. Or two.

And Emily at M Boutique, right down the street, is having an open house, too. Although my lucky jeans have not done as much for the Gamecocks as I had hoped, I still love the store. I look forward to tottering down Devine Street, shopping. I wish I had a friend to join me, but babysitters are hard to come by at the last minute and I don't think you should introduce kids to the concept of drinking and shopping until they're of age. Also, they totally cramp your style.

Speaking of drinking and shopping, my original partner in crime, the Lady M, is coming for a visit. Ever since I learned that Baby J could survive a night without me, I've wanted to do it again. The Lady M is taking a spur of the moment trip to Charleston this weekend and if she can make it from San Francisco, I can make it from Columbia. I can't wait to see her; it'll be just like old times, but with better food.

Namasté, y'all!

My Great Day

Ahhhh...back from a lovely day of shopping, eating and drinking in Charlotte with my sister in law, V. She's my favorite person in my husband's family, the only one he isn't related to by blood. And it's a good thing I like her so much, because I would have left him many times by now, but that might make things awkward between me and V. One of the main reasons I went was to use the incredibly generous gift certificate to Sur La Table that my friend the Lady M and her husband sent us after the last time they stayed here. I hope they understand that we like having them here so much that I'd let them move in (in exchange for light cleaning and child care, of course), but we can't keep letting them stay here if they're going to be so obscenely generous in their appreciation. It's embarassing. But not so embarrassing that I didn't skip into the store like a brand new, thus unjaded, stripper in a discount lingerie store. After obsessively browsing the Sur La Table website (it's like porn for me, I swear), I had a long list of stuff I wanted to look at and I couldn't wait to see it up close.

Soooooo...this is what I got:

A Lettuce knife. Yes, a lettuce knife. This was one of the things I grabbed just to get more stuff. And because I think it's cool. You can also cut brownies and cake with it, perfect for taking on picnics, because it's plastic. I think I could even take it on an airplane, which is good because I hate it when they serve uncut brownies on airplanes.
A Stainless Steel Pie Server. Because we eat a lot of quiche and I only have two pie servers, one rusted one with a plastic handle and one sterling one with a hollow handle, so it can't go in the dishwasher. Guess which one I threw out?
Ceramic Placecards. Which is a stupid name, because they aren't cards. I'd call them place markers and, screw it, because I'm going to use them as appetizer labels. You can write on them with a pen, which came with them (Yeah! Free pen!), and wipe them off, so you can use them again. If you're like me and tend to serve the same things, you might not even need to wipe them off between parties.
Nine Inch Shun Classic Granton Slicer. Awesome knives are awesome. Like, totally. And I bought this one to replace an Oxo Good Grip slicer I've had for years. I would have kept it, but the Good Grip handle rotted. Safety Tip: If you have to throw away a knife, wrap the blade in a lot of duct tape, so squirrels don't steal it and knife you for your nuts. And, drum roll please, the item I've been lusting after for years...
An Oxo Mandoline. I'll be able to make all kinds of cool stuff, like those little skinny carrot strips for California Rolls. And waffle fries! And Crinkle Cut Cucumbers! And Julienned Stuff! I bet you can't wait to come to my next party. Prepare to be AMAZED!

So what should I make for dinner tonight?

Namasté, y'all!